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Miss Pain – E.B.F.H (Tbilissi recordings)

1981: You’re down the village disco and your schoolmates are telling you how it’s cool to be a ‘futurist’. They’re not talking about the early 20th century art movement, they’re talking about these sleek new synth bands that sound like they’ve been beamed in from way ahead in time, a time when messy things - emotions and instruments you have to get sweaty over like drums and guitars - have all been replaced by streamlined machine-beat living, where everything happens at the flick of a switch. A time miles in the future, like 2004 or something mad like that. Icey emotion-curbed synth noises are where it’s at and the future’s arrived, right here in 1981.


Obviously, when you reach the future, the past - however cutting edge and futuristic it seemed then - always sounds cutely nostalgic now. Which brings us to Miss Pain, the brilliantly conceived girl/boy art-bleep sado-synth trio. Track one E.B.F.H. (Electric Blue Fire Hazard) is way too hard-edged and snarling to have thrilled the kids in that 80s disco. With a rhythm that stutters like a cheap cd, lunatic lover girl/boy vocals and juddering, shrieking keyboards this is ferocious jackhammer horror pop. Better yet, behind the wildly flashing eyes and slashing fingernails this hyperventilating chunk of noise is ‘an ode to flammable nightwear’. Nylon! Friction!

‘Campari & Sex’ (jeez, how unclassy are Microsoft? The spell-check doesn’t recognise ‘Campari’) on the other hand winks and glimmers through a rip in the fishnets of the space-time continuum. Those 80s kids are swivelling to the swirling electro sound of now, dreaming of blue lipstick. Above a fuggy retro hum and buzz Miss Pain dispassionately enunciates a come-on to a ‘pretty boy’ promising ‘Campari and sex in Miss Pain’s bedroom’. It’s cute, camp and gloweringly delicious.

R.R.R.G: Accentuated ill-furnished honeymoon

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